Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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