Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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