OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
