My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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