Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
