Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
