my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
