quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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