This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
