you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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