My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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