Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
