After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
