you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
