if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
