she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
