Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
