we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
