goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
