Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
