Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
