how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
