i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
