I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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