Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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