i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
