11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
