i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
