I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
