...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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