If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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