got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
