I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
