just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
