I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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