i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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