Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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