She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
