Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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