she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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