This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
