So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Michael Bay diarrhea
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
