She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
