just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
