Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
