Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
