i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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