i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
