I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
