My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
