It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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