My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
