the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
So many bounce houses so little time
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
