I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
