I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
