So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
