The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
