AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
