That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Holy sore nipples Batman
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
