Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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