i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
