Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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