I just saw a hot homeless man
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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