she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
