Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
