So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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