I will die if light touches me.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
