He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
zippers are such a cool invention
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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